Tara Condell, 27, an NYU-educated dietitian at Top Balance Nutrition in Midtown Manhattan, was found dead at 4.30pm on Wednesday.
Police officers found her hanging from a strap in the bedroom of her West 10th Street apartment after colleagues requested a welfare check.
The co-workers became concerned for Condell's safety after she failed to show up for work, and then discovered a suicide note posted on her website.
A search of Condell's apartment yielded a second suicide note in the living room, the contents of which have not been disclosed by police, New York Post reported
In the letter posted to her site and titled 'I Hate The Word "Bye", But See You Later Maybe?' Condell attempted to explain her decision to end her life, listed some of the things she'll miss the most and begged forgiveness of her mother.
The achingly moving letter opens with a heart-breaking revelation that Condell had been contemplating suicide from the time she was a teenager.
'I have written this note several times in my head for over a decade, and this one finally feels right,' she wrote.
READ TARA CONDELL'S EMOTIONAL FINAL LETTER
I have written this note several times in my head for over a decade, and this one finally feels right.
No edits, no overthinking. I have accepted hope is nothing more than delayed disappointment, and I am just plain old-fashioned tired of feeling tired.
I realize I am undeserving of thinking this way because I truly have a great life on paper.
I'm fortunate to eat meals most only imagine. I often travel freely without restriction.
I live alone in the second greatest American city (San Francisco, you'll always have my heart).
However, all these facets seem trivial to me. It’s the ultimate first world problem, I get it.
I often felt detached while in a room full of my favorite people; I also felt absolutely nothing during what should have been the happiest and darkest times in my life.
No single conversation or situation has led me to make this decision, so at what point do you metaphorically pull the trigger?
I'm going to miss doing NYT crosswords (I was getting really good). That one charcuterie board with taleggio AND 'nduja. Anything Sichuan ma la, but that goes without saying.
A perfect plate of carbonara (no cream!). Real true authentic street tacos. Cal-Italian cuisine. Hunan Bistro's fried rice. The pork belly and grape mini from State Bird Provisions circa 2013. Popeye's of course. Bambas too.
I'm also going to miss unexpected hugs. Al Green’s Simply Beautiful. Cherries in July. Tracing a sleeping eyebrow. Smoking cigarettes.
The Golden Gate Bridge at sunset. That first sip of iced cold brew in sticky August.
Making eye contact with people walking down the street. When songs feel like they're speaking to your soul.
Jeopardy. Saying I love you. Late night junk food binges. Shooting the shit. And especially the no-destination-in-sight long walks.
No GoFundMes, no funeral, no tributes, no doing-too-much please. All I ask now is for you to have one delicious (I mean a really really great) meal in my honor and let me go, no exceptions.
It's selfishly time for me to be happy and I know you can get down with that.
Please try to remember me as a whole human you shared memories with and not just my final act.
This is not your fault. It’s not exactly easy for me either, I'm here for you. I love you. I always have and I always will, I promise. Shikata ga'nai ['it cannot be helped' in Japanese].
I'm coming home, Dad. Make some room up on that cloud and turn the Motown up.
I'm really sorry mama.
Always, TLC
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